


Gift of Life

by forestgreen



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-02
Updated: 2010-10-02
Packaged: 2017-10-12 09:05:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/123224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forestgreen/pseuds/forestgreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is much John Sheppard doesn't know about Wraith</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gift of Life

**Author's Note:**

> Set in Season 2: Coda to "Common ground"

He kneels in front of her throne and her mind welcomes him. After all those years alone with his own thoughts, feeling the Hive again, feeling _her_ , is almost too much. The room spins around him and there is not enough air to fill his lungs.

"Do not try to sense us all at one. Remember how to block the Hive; put them in the back of your mind," she says, and her voice echoes not only in the room, but also inside his mind. He lets her voice guide him through it, until even her mind is just a whisper. Only her cold mental embrace remains. After so many years burning, it is the most wonderful thing he remembers.

"Welcome back, my son. Please, rise. It's been too long since I last saw you to waste our time with formalities," she tells him.

He looks at her, surprised. It is not often that the Queen shows her affection. He rises to his feet and goes to her.

"Thank you, my Queen."

"You have nothing to thank me for, my son. As much as it pains me, I did not do enough for you. I could feel your pain and your hunger burning. We never stopped our search, and yet, too many years passed before you were brought back to me. I am in the debt of my fellow Queen for rescuing you and bringing you back to me safe," she says.

"I was not rescued by her, my Queen. She just brought me to you after I had managed to escape," he says.

"That certainly lessens the debt, and in these times that is a good thing. Not that I would have minded paying whatever it took to have you back," she says, coming closer. Her fingers trace the marks on his face, those she herself put there, marking him as one of her favored children. Her pleasure at his return fills the Hive.

"Tell me then, my son. Did you kill all the humans that imprisoned you?"

"All that were still alive when I reached them," he says, choosing his words carefully. He closes his eyes and sees Sheppard's knife taking as many lives as his talons and can't help a snort from escaping him.

"Where did they hold you? Why were you not able to escape before?" she asks. He tells her everything, up until Sheppard's arrival.

"Tell me about your escape," she orders.

He stops breathing for an instant; has to force himself to speak. "A new prisoner was brought in. It was him who came up with the plan for our escape," he tells her after a while.

"Which Hive was he from?"

"He was not Wraith."

"A worshipper managed to help you escape? That is good news, my son. It has been many years since a worshipper worthy of the Gift came to us," the Queen says and smiles.

"He was not a worshipper."

His mind flashes back to his time with Sheppard. No worshipper would ever treat a Wraith like Sheppard did, as an equal. Even those humans who did not worship them either feared them or despised them, sometimes both. Sheppard had been different.

"Are you implying that a common human helped you escape?"

He clenches his fingers into fists. There is nothing common about John Sheppard, he wants to tell her, but enraging his Queen now would not be wise. The worst is yet to come.

"In a way. Yes," he admits and forces his voice and his face to stay blank. He feels her prodding his mind, but not with enough strength to break through the blocks she herself helped him construct just minutes before.

"I would rather be indebted to a fellow Queen than to a filthy human. You must understand this," she says.

"I do, my Queen. He does not know that there is a debt, though. He is under the belief that if we were to meet again, he would be nothing more than just another human to me," he tells her.

She rises from her chair and before he has had any time to brace himself her hand clenches in his hair and she forces him to kneel once more. He does not resist her; the thought would never even cross his mind. She is Queen.

"If we were to let human ignorance rule our actions, we would not be what we are today," she whispers in his ear, twisting his head in a painful grip. "The debt is there and I am forced to pay it, even if the human does not know of it."

"It is paid in part, my Queen," he tells her, and his heart beats madly inside his chest. He has never been more afraid of anything in his life. Even the many years being tortured and starved by Kolya and his men did not teach him fear like this.

"How did you repay him then?" she asks, letting go of his hair.

He does not dare rise from his knees. He waits for her to go back to her throne and sit down, before continuing.

"I gave him the Gift of Life."

"The Gift? Ah! Then he _is_ a worshipper," she says.

"No, my Queen, he is not." And if he weren't for the hunger he would wish himself back in Kolya's prison.

"The Gift only works in the most devoted of worshipers. It does not work for others; you know this." Her voice echoes in the room and the Hive quivers in the back of his mind.

He could tell her that it did not work on John Sheppard either. If he knew how to lie to his Queen he would, too, but it is pointless even to try.

"It works on brothers, too," he says and looks at her directly, even though he has not been given permission.

He opens his mind to her and wills her to understand.

"You dared to mark a human as kin? You dared to bring the stench of the worthless into our Hive," she says in a quiet voice. The Hive goes silent with the implications of his actions. It feels like an eternity while he waits for her to punish him. She lashes at him with her anger and he is surprised when it does not hurt him. He remembers it from before: the Queen's anger burns. In the back of his mind he feels his brethren's pain. He does not understand why he is not part of their suffering, of her anger. And for the first time since he arrived home he feels alone: not Hive. It hurts more than the worst of hungers.

Suddenly, her anger fades to nothing.

"Hush, little one," she says, coming closer to him. She is not Queen, now, just Mother. He had forgotten what that felt like. It's been millennia since his first years, but he remembers now: her, coming to him and the others, teaching them about their Hive and about Wraith, until they knew how to feed and how to share their minds without being taken over or overwhelmed. She had been Queen to him for so long that he had forgotten she was Mother first.

"Your anger does not hurt anymore, Mother," he confesses, even though she must have sensed it. It surprises him how easy the word comes to his lips, even when he did not intend to use it. Mother is only for the young ones; he lost the right call her that long ago. He prepares himself for the no-longer-pain of her anger, the emptiness of it, but she just smiles at him.

"It's all right, little one. You may call me Mother once more. There is much you have forgotten; much that has been taken away from you," she says and the Hive shakes with her rage. "They starved you for so long, let you to burn. Every other pain pales in comparison. I am Queen, yes, but I am also Mother," she says and her hand caresses his face in long forgotten ways. She smiles at him and the Hive thrives on her happiness. "You will be one with the Hive once more. You will remember; I will teach you."

He is torn between flinching away and leaning into her touch. Touch had been seldom during the last years and the few times it had taken place it only brought more pain. She is Mother and Queen, though. Decades of starvation and seclusion cannot take that away; it is written in the very core of his being. He leans into her hand and a different kind of hunger, deeper still, one he wasn't aware of until now, is quelled.

"Tell me about this human you marked as kin. What is his name?" she asks, but there is no longer anger in her voice. She is still Mother.

"John Sheppard," he answers, remembering the taste of Sheppard under his hand: the rage, the hope, the will to live, the pain, even the sadness, but not the fear. Sheppard had not been afraid, not even when he was minutes away from the true death. He only sensed fear when he gave John Sheppard the Gift.

"Where is he? Why did you not bring him with you? Not matter how poor your choice, he is kin now; he will need to be brought up in the ways of the Hive."

He lowers his eyes. He has made many mistake over the last years, letting humans capture him alive being the first one. Marking a human as kin was another, but this is yet his greatest failure. "I am sorry, Mother. But I was interrupted by other humans before I could finish giving him the Gift."

Her hand stops mid-caress and he can sense her controlling her desire to lash out once more. She places a talon under his shin and forces him to look at her once more. "How old was he when you were interrupted?" she asks, voice deceptively calm.

"It is hard to tell. He was younger than when I first met him, but he was not close to his first years, yet," he tells her.

"He still remembers his human upbringing, then."

It is not a question, but he nods anyway. "He had the opportunity to kill me then. I was outnumbered by his followers, and yet he ordered them not to harm me. He kept his promise. It might have been better for the Hive if he hadn't."

"Do not say that. I have lost enough of my children as it is. A human who keeps his word? I did not think that was possible. What shall I do with you, my son? Your return fills my heart with joy: a son lost long ago has come back to me. Yet your words bring me pain. Through your actions I have lost another son to humans, one I have not even met."

"I am sorry, my Queen."

"No, for this I am not Queen. This pain is not a Queen's pain; it is the pain of a Mother. You do not understand it."

"I know; I—"

"Do not apologize. You will learn all that you have forgotten, and when you are ready you will go search for John Sheppard. You will bring him back to the Hive. I will give him the Gift, and then he will be raise as Wraith. You will be responsible for him."

Her words take him by surprise. He wasn't expecting such mercy.

He remembers John Sheppard and the hope he managed to awaken in him, he who had long lost all hope. John Sheppard, who gave him back the sky and his Hive. "Thank you, Mother. You are too kind," he says.

"Do not thank me yet, my child. This is as much your reward as your punishment. Humans are worthless; they are not meant to be Wraith. He will be shunned. He will never be allowed to leave the ship. The danger of other humans taking him away would be too high. He will be raised as Wraith, but no matter how much you and I, and if done well, even him, will wish he truly was Wraith, he will always be human. He will never be one with the Hive, only with you and with me. It will not be enough. Through the Gift you and I will feel his pain as if it were our own, but we will be powerless to stop it from reaching him."

"I do not understand, Mother. Why would you bond yourself to him, if the bonding will only bring you pain and disappointment?"

"You marked him as your brother; by accepting you I must accept him, too. And yet, I cannot _not_ accept you. What kind of Mother would I be then?" she says and smiles at him. She fills his mind with sorrow and wisdom as old as the Hive.

He shudders with the intensity of it. She laughs at his fear. "Do not forget that this is also your reward."

"How could the pain you describe ever be a reward?"

"You wouldn't understand it now, even if I were to explain it. Yet, through John Sheppard you will learn what it means to be Mother. None of my children has ever shared that privilege. The pain will be worth it. Now come, there is much that you must learn before you leave to search for your lost brother. We do not have much time. Without our protection, John Sheppard will be too vulnerable. Humans are fragile creatures."

The taste of John Sheppard's life still throbs in his veins. There was nothing fragile about him. He remembers Kolya's men dying under Sheppard's knife even though they were at full strength and Sheppard had been fed upon three times in one day. He ducks his head and hides his smile.

John Sheppard is not like other humans. Mother might curse his choice now, but she has not met John Sheppard yet.

He has been away for too long. Many things have happened in his absence. There is talk of a new enemy, of new feeding grounds. The city of the Ancestors was awakened and destroyed while he was held prisoners: Atlantis. He remembers Kolya ordering his men to dial Atlantis while he waited behind the door to feed on Sheppard. He had been too hungry back then to think about the implications, but now he has the time. He remembers the engines of a ship leaving after Sheppard disappeared: a cloaked ship. Atlantis is not as destroyed as everyone believes, but he will not correct them. At least not for now.

He knows where to start looking for John Sheppard when the time comes. He will claim his brother back and raise him as kin. And the moment Sheppard is again old enough to fight, he will ask the Queen for permission to destroy Atlantis. He has seen what John Sheppard is capable of. If they destroy Atlantis, even the others will have to accept John as kin.

His brother will not be shunned. Nobody would dare.

" _And if we were to meet again in the future, what then?_ " he had asked Sheppard that first time. " _All bets are off_ ," Sheppard had answered. He had had to laugh, despite the pain. Sheppard had been very Wraith-like in some things and so very human in others. For if they were to meet again, it would only be because Sheppard's planet was under Wraith attack or Sheppard himself had been culled. If that were to happen, he would have to claim Sheppard and protect him from his brethren. " _Then let of us hope that we do not meet again,_ " he told Sheppard.

Then the Genii had arrived and all had spiraled out of control. He had ended up giving Sheppard the Gift, part of it anyway, until Sheppard's men stopped him. " _Next time we meet,_ " he told John that last time: a promise and a warning. And once more Sheppard had not understood.

" _There is much you do not know about Wraith, John Sheppard,_ " he thought. " _Pain means nothing. Despite Mother's warnings it will be my honor to teach you. And you will learn. Together we will be unstoppable, brother_."

**Author's Note:**

> If you took the time to read this story and enjoyed it, please take one more minute to leave feedback. You'll make me more happy than you can possibly imagine. Even a short comment will bring a smile to my face :)


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